Police warn all male clubbers, partygoers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be more alert and cautious when accepting a drink offer from a girl.

There is a date rape drug going around called "beer" and it appears in liquid form. The drug is being used by female sexual predators at parties to persuade male victims to have sex with them.

"Beer" is available virtually anywhere. All girls have to do is persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against such attacks. After several "beers" men will often succumb to performing sex acts on large and/or horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted to. Men often wake up after having "beer" with only hazy memories of what happened to them the night before, just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men might be conned into a familiar scam known as "a relationship" - apparently men are easier victims for this scam after the "beer" has been administered and they have already been sexually attacked.

Forward this to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious drug and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open manner with a bunch of similarly affected guys. For your nearest support group just look up 'Pubs' or 'Bars' in the yellow pages.

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, the wife was working in the garden while the husband was grilling hamburgers out on the lawn. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said...

''Hey honey, you're getting fat. Your butt is huge. I'll bet it's as wide as the gas grill.''

Feeling the need to prove his point, he got out a yard stick and measured the grill, then his wife's butt.

''Yep,'' he said,'' just what I thought, just about the same size.''

The wife became mad and left him outside alone. She went inside the house and didn't speak to him for the rest of the day.

When they retired to bed that evening, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, ''How about it, honey? How about a little ooche coochee?''

The wife turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder.

''What's the matter?'' he asked.

She replied...''You don't think I'm going to fire up this big A$$ grill just for one little old weenie, do you?''

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks. "They'll grow larger over a period of years.", he replies.

The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"

Without missing a beat the husband says "Worked for your butt; didn't it?"

He lived, and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again.

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your grandma's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your grandma, and it was suh-weeeet!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.

Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "And your grandma liked it!" Finally the guy interrupts, "Go home, Grandpa, you're drunk!"

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war, haunted by past mistakes. Reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, has a glorius and all conquering past, but no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 15 and 80 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a dick.

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can't stand it any longer! The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.

The supervisor is puzzled by this and says what's wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice??

The woman replies, "He's a midget."

A lady goes into a bar and sees a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He has the biggest feet she's ever seen.

The woman asks the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet.

The cowboy says, "Sure is, why don't you come back to my place and let me prove it?"

The woman figures why not and spends the night with him.

The next day she hands the cowboy a $100 bill. Blushing, he says, "I'm flattered, nobody has ever paid me for my services before."

To this the woman replies, "Well, don't be. Take this money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed after having had sex. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile.

The egg, looking highly pissed off, grabs the sheets, rolls over and says:"Well, I guess we finally answered that question!"

A small West Virginia Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem.The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas available.

While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed, a part time redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Ed was one brick shy of a full load, but like a typical redneck possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species...

So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500? Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions. "First", he said, "I don't wanna have to kiss her. And, you cain't never tell anyone about this."

The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition. "Well", said Ed, "you gotta gimme another week to come up with the $500."

A Mexican Dinner Special

An Arizona cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"

The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on vacation down here! Bring me an order!"

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

Council Craziness

Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology."

The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the doctors changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors."

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." No go!

Next they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again.

Then came "Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives." Still not good.

How about "Minds and Behinds"? Unacceptable again.

So they tried "Lost Souls and Ass Holes." Still no go.

Nor did "Analysis and Anal Cysts," "Nuts and Butts," "Freaks and Cheeks," or "Loons and Moons" work either.

Almost at their wits' end, the doctors finally came up with a business slogan they thought might be acceptable to the council:

"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."

"APPROVED!"

It was the first day of school and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." He said. "Very good! Who said "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth"? Again, no response except from Suzuki: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Japs." "Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001." The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble!" and Suzuki said, "The Taliban! 2001."

Humor Home
Humor Achive 1
Humor Achive 2
Humor Achive 3
R rated Humor Archive 1