I have a moral question for you. This is an imaginary situation, but I think it is interesting to decide what one would do.

The situation: You are in the Middle East, and there is a huge flood in progress. Many homes have been lost, water supplies compromised and structures destroyed.

Let's say that you're a photographer and getting still photos for a news service, traveling alone, looking for particularly poignant scenes. You come across Osama Bin Laden who has been swept away by the floodwaters. He is barely hanging on to a tree limb and is about to go under.

You can either put down your camera and save him, or take a Pulitzer Prize winning photograph of him as he loses his grip on the limb.

So, here's the question and think carefully before you answer the question;
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Which lens would you use?

It's Armageddon and everyone on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes forward and says, "I want all of the men to make two lines. One line is for the men who ruled their wives while living on earth and the other line is for the men who were ruled by their wives. I also want all of the women to leave this area and follow St. Peter."

Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of men who were ruled by their wives was thousands of miles long, and in the line of men who ruled their wives, there was one lonely figure.

God looked at the situation and became angry, shouting in a thunderous voice. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you all ended up being whipped by your mates. Look, there is only one of my sons who stood up to his wife to make me proud. You should have learned from him!"

God then turned to the man who stood alone. "Tell them, my son. Tell them how you managed to be the only in this line?"

And the man replied, "My wife told me to stand here until she got back."

My Dog 'Sex'

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call my dog "Sex".

Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said I didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 year old." He said I must have been quite a kid.

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The Clerk said "Me too."

One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex entered in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you don't understand", I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on television." He called me a show-off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to file for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I got married." The judge said "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex had left me. He said, "Me too."

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked "What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex..."

My case comes up on Friday...

There were some guys sitting behind a couple of nuns at a football game. The men decided to badger the nuns, to get them to move. So the first one says to the others (loud enough for the women ahead to hear), "I think I want to move to Utah, there are only 100 Catholics living there..."

The second guy speaks up and says, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 Catholics living there..."

The third guy speaks up and says, "I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 Catholics living there..."

One of the nuns turns around and looks the third guy in the eye and calmly says, "Why don't you go to hell, there aren't any Catholics there."

A father walked into the market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid was spinning a quarter in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walked through the market, someone bumped into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin went straight into his mouth and lodged in his throat. He immediately started choking and going blue in the face, and his Dad started panicking, shouting and screaming for help.

A middle-aged man in a gray suit was sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion he looked up, put his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folded his newspaper and placed it on the counter. He got up from his seat and made his way nonchalantly across the market. Reaching the boy, the man carefully took hold of the kid’s gonads and squeezed gently but firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulsed violently and coughed up the quarter, which the man caught in his free hand. Releasing the boy, the man gave the coin to the father and walked back to his seat in the coffee bar without looking back.

As soon as he was sure that his son had suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushed over to the man and thanked him profusely. The man looked embarrassed and brushed off the father’s thanks. "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. What are you, a surgeon or something like that?"

"Oh, good heavens no," the man replied. "I work for the IRS."

Read the following six statements and the amazing conclusion they lead to:

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL
2. The sport of choice for the maintenance level employees is BOWLING
3. The sport of choice for the front-line workers is FOOTBALL
4. The sport of choice for the supervisors is BASEBALL
5. The sport of choice for the middle management is TENNIS
6. The sport of choice for the corporate executives is GOLF.

Conclusion: the higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

A Real Man's Chain Letter

This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything.

Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list,and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, of whom 4 were worth keeping.

REMEMBER this chain brings luck. One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy swimsuit model.

An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooters waitress and a Hollywood super model.

You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain, and got his own wife back again.

Let's keep it going, men! Just add your name to the list below!

Bill Clinton
780 3rd Ave
New York, NY 10017

William Jefferson Clinton
780 3rd Ave
New York, NY 10017

W. J. Clinton
780 3rd Ave
New York, NY 10017

William Clinton
780 3rd Ave
New York, NY 10017

W Jefferson Clinton
780 3rd Ave
New York, NY 10017

William J Clinton
780 3rd Ave
New York, NY 10017

Slick Willie Clinton
780 3rd Ave
New York, NY 10017

Mr. Hillary Clinton
780 3rd Ave
New York, NY 10017

In the beginning was the plan,
and then came the assumptions,
And the assumptions were without form,
and the plan was completely without substance
and the darkness was upon the face of the workers,
and they spoke amongst themselves saying,
"It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."

And the workers went unto their supervisors and saith,
"it is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."

And the supervisors went unto their managers and saith unto them,
"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong,
such that none may abide it."

And the managers went unto their directors and saith,
"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

And the directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another,
"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."

And the directors went unto the vice presidents and saith unto them,
"it promotes growth and is very powerful."

And the vice presidents went unto the president and saith unto him,
"This new plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of this
company, and these areas in particular."

And the president looked upon the plan, and saw that it was good
And the plan became policy and this is how shit happens.

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she started to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a darned good appetite, because the electricity was cut of this morning."

PHRASES YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY AT WORK

1. Ahhh, I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

6. I'll try being nicer, if you'll try being smarter.

7. I don't work here, I'm a consultant.

8. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

9. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

10. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

11. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

12. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

13. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

14. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean that you're an artist.

15. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

16. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

17. Did you take the correct medication today?

18.Your request is considered and I had a good laugh.

19.Continue to talk and don't mind my eyeballs rolling in their sockets.

20. Have you considered a remedial reading class?

21. How about early retirement?

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism - to steal from many is research.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot

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